He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
