Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize