when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
