i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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