I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
