I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
