Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize