Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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