Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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