I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
There r osticjed everywhere
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
