Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
