I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
