remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
