Those balls look pretty dangerous.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
