The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
