I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
