well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize