the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize