or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
