She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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