Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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