I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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