Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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