remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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