And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
