Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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