the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I need a beard to bite.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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