Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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