apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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