i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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