You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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