Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
