once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
