I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
