dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
