Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
