mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize