you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
