My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
