My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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