there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
