nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Everclear isn't food dammit
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
