just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
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