At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
you would pick up someone in the library
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
My vagina just clenched in fear
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
