she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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