Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
