He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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