just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize