HIV tests are more positive than that guy
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Randomize
