Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
