In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
