Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
