He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
