Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
