I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
