So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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