Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
