to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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