on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
