Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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