Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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