i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I smell stomach acid.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
