We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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