glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
