He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize