I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
