I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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