i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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