Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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