Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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