You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Small penises have feelings too.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
