Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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